A Gentleman and Scholar

This proper fellow speaks to my feelings of disconnectedness during cancer treatments, a time in my life I describe as “living in robot mode.” I was an automaton; given instructions, I could follow them; told the time and location of an appointment, I could get there. Thinking outside of those parameters was scary. If I thought about planning the next week, I would also think about the possibility of not surviving it. I am fortunate to have a family and circumstances that allowed me this great luxury of mindlessness. The mindlessness was both curiously flat, and yet almost painfully brightly colored.

This proper fellow speaks to my feelings of disconnectedness during cancer treatments, a time in my life I describe as “living in robot mode.” I was an automaton; given instructions, I could follow them; told the time and location of an appointment, I could get there. Thinking outside of those parameters was scary. If I thought about planning the next week, I would also think about the possibility of not surviving it. I am fortunate to have a family and circumstances that allowed me this great luxury of mindlessness. The mindlessness was both curiously flat, and yet almost painfully brightly colored.