This proper fellow speaks to my feelings of disconnectedness during cancer treatments, a time in my life I describe as “living in robot mode.” I was an automaton; given instructions, I could follow them; told the time and location of an appointment, I could get there. Thinking outside of those parameters was scary. If I thought about planning the next week, I would also think about the possibility of not surviving it. I am fortunate to have a family and circumstances that allowed me this great luxury of mindlessness. The mindlessness was both curiously flat, and yet almost painfully brightly colored.